


Reach Out and Touch

by ashes_to_roses



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-23
Updated: 2014-07-22
Packaged: 2018-02-10 01:01:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2004954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashes_to_roses/pseuds/ashes_to_roses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harvey and Donna deal with the aftermath of Suits S02E05 "Break Point". After destroying the memo and hiding it from Harvey, Donna is terrified that Harvey won't be able to forgive her. Will he?</p>
<p>
  <i>"He slid the key into the front door, and paused. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, let the tension out of his shoulders, exhaled, and pushed the door open. When he was ready, he opened his eyes and walked in, shutting and locking the door decisively behind him.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>She’s exactly where he knew she’d be: sitting on the grey leather couch, her knees bent and tucked up just under her chin, her arms wrapped around her shins, and tears running down her beautiful face." </i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Aftermath

He slid the key into the front door, and paused. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, let the tension out of his shoulders, exhaled, and pushed the door open. When he was ready, he opened his eyes and walked in, shutting and locking the door decisively behind him.  
She’s exactly where he knew she’d be: sitting on the grey leather couch, her knees bent and tucked up just under her chin, her arms wrapped around her shins, and tears running down her beautiful face.

He says nothing, but his gut is churning with sorrow, guilt, anger, and desolation. When he sits down beside her and pulls her into his side, she shudders out a sobbing breath and tilts her head so it lies on his chest.

It’s been so many years that they’ve been each other’s rock that he doesn’t even know where to begin to fix this.

She’s shaking a little, and he can feel the tiny shivers that run through her every few seconds.

Many minutes pass, and when he’s least expecting it, she takes a deep breath and says, “I’m sorry, Harvey.”

He just pulls her a little tighter against himself, and says, “I know, Donna.” He rocks them just a little, back and forth. “I know.”

He looks around the apartment, a place he hasn’t been in for several months. She’s kept it, even though she is hardly ever here, except for when she has to pick up her mail or when he has to ‘entertain’ for work or appearances sake. He hates that she feels as though the condo isn’t someplace she’ll be welcome after this fiasco.

He wonders: Is she unsure of her welcome in his home? Or does she need to be in her own space right now, where she has the comfort of home court advantage?

He shifts away a tad and immediately returns when she lets out a soft, desperate sound of distress. He’s shaking his head and the corners of his lips tighten in concern and disbelief over how unsure she seems to be that he’s going to stay. 

He’s engulfed her in his arms now, her back flush against his chest. His voice is low and gravelly when he takes a deep breath and says, “Shh… I’m right here.”

She nods and takes a shuddering breath in to try and get herself back on an even keel.

This time, when he shifts himself away and stands, he goes a tad slower, his hands squeezing her upper arms before he stands. She gazes up at him as he takes off his jacket and toes off his shoes. He’s standing so close that she could lean forward and rest her head against his perfectly tailored vest.

He maintains eye contact as he walks away and settles into the (highly stylish and even more comfortable) armchair that’s right beside her roaring fireplace. When he holds out his arms, her shoulders visibly relax, and she’s visibly relieved that he’s not distancing himself from her. She’s got silent tears running down her face again by the time she’s settled in his lap, her face resting on his shoulder. The only difference now is that she knows he’s not leaving her; her arms are wrapped around him, instead of clenched around herself and unsure of her welcome.

~~

He feels a little of the tension bleed away from his shoulders, and he just runs his hands up and down her back as he thinks. She needs this release, this time to grieve, so he doesn’t hush her, or tell her it’s all going to be okay. His thoughts wander to the events of today; the spilt coffee, the bathroom confrontation, hearing Jessica’s hard news, watching her walking with her box of personal possessions, watching her leave.

After several minutes of sitting with her while she works through the emotion, he notices her quieting and calming down. He turns his head to kiss her neck and asks, “Better?”

She lets out a watery chuckle, but it’s not mirthful, it’s pained. “A little.”

She leans back, away from him so she can look into his eyes. Just looking at him makes her start to cry again though, and now she looks panicked. No longer grieving, this is her grief and guilt getting the best of her.

“Hey, shh...” He reaches out to grasp her hands, holding them tightly to anchor her. “Donna… sweetheart, look at me.” He slides his hands up her arms, over the curve of her shoulders, and squeezes a little to ground her.

When she lifts her gaze to meet his, he nods, and says “I can’t promise you it’s going to be okay.” He takes a deep breath, which she instinctively copies, even though she’s shuddering with the effort of trying to regulate her breathing. 

He waits and watches, knowing this is difficult, but he refuses to lie to her. She’s failing apart, and his gut is tightening again in empathy and sadness, but he can’t afford to sugar-coat this for them. He pulls her forward a little, his hands sliding back a little to rest on her shoulder blades, and waits. She’s always taken comfort in the fact that he’s never going to bullshit her to make her feel better. 

He’s not going to change now, and he needs to know if today’s mess is going to be too much reality for her to bear.

She closes her eyes, dips her head, shudders one last time on a steadier exhale, and dips her head in acceptance. “Okay.” She nods once, giving physical indication of her internal acknowledgement. “Okay.”

She’s still his beautiful Donna though, and he can’t bear to see her this broken. His chest physically hurts, and he feels the slight burn in his eyes that comes from holding back his grief. He leans forward now, and rests his lips against hers, his eyes falling shut. The feel of her is so familiar, so loved, so known. This kiss is slow reassurance of their presence in each other’s lives. It’s all about comfort, reassurance, a deep caring and love. It says all the things that that cannot say to each other in words tonight: I’m here. I love you still. We’ll get through this. It will be okay.

When they part, just enough to be able to look into each other’s eyes again, there’s a small measure of peace between them. She gives him a tiny smile and rests her head on his shoulder again, gazing into the fireplace. He just holds her, running soothing hands up and down her back as he sits and thinks. 

~~

When she talks again, many minutes later, voice her is shaking. “I don’t… I don’t know what to do, Harvey.”

It’s a plea for help, and he thinks they’ve both had just about enough of a dose of reality today. They know there are going to be consequences, most of which will be unpleasant and uncontrollable. He wonders, though, if it might be time to take comfort where possible. To ease each other’s hurts as much as they are able.

He eases her away from him a little to look into her eyes. Meanwhile, he rests his hands on her thighs, knowing that it will feel less safe and comforting than when his arms were around her back, and waits to see how she’ll respond.

Instinctively, she leans back in towards him, still maintaining eye contact, but also seeking the security of his touch and embrace.

Still looking at her, he raises a hand up and traces a line from just behind her ear, down the side of her neck, over her collarbone, and around the side of her breast. “Be here with me, Donna. Touch me. Please me. Let me please you.” He lets the palm of his hand rest against the side of her breast, his fingertips curled around her side, grounding her again. Looking up at her, he asks, “Yes?”

~~

She tilts her head and considers him. There’s a little wrinkle between her eyebrows, the one that always appears when she’s got something to say that she’s nervous about. 

Very, very softly, he asks her, “Don’t know how to tell me?”

Immediately, as if he’s struck her with the words she said to him earlier today—I didn’t know how to tell you!—she rears back and is scrambling off his lap, away from him in ashamed horror.

He’s quicker though, having expected it, and he holds onto her hands tightly, keeping her in place even though her head is turned as far away from him as possible. “Donna! Donna, love, look at me!” His voice isn’t raised, but it’s whip-sharp, urgent. He sits up straight, holding onto her for dear life, needing to have her face this moment with him. 

Quieter, “Donna… this is important. Look at me.”

He brings her hands—still tightly clasped in his—up to rest against his chest, and waits for her to face him.

She’s angry now. “That was cruel Harvey! I don’t… didn’t know how..! I tried my best, given the… I only meant to protect you!” She’s struggling to get her hands free, and yet he holds on tight, leaning forward to be as close to her as possible.

“I know… Donna I know that.” He shakes her hands a little. “Don’t you think I know that? Why do you think I’m able to be here?” He leans down to kiss her knuckles fiercely before looking back up at her. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t believe you did it to protect me, to try and save me from getting disbarred.”

“Then why would you say it to me? Why poke at me with the whole ‘Don’t know how to tell me’ line?” 

And now he smiles. Gently, and with the greatest of care, he says, “Because I need you to believe it. Donna… You destroyed it after Mike already knew it existed. You knew I’d find out. You knew I’d never perjure myself. That I’d admit to its existence. So you destroyed it. And asked me to fire you.”

He takes a deep breath. “You asked me to let you take the fall Donna.” Shaking his head, he says, “You totally, totally fucked up by destroying it Donna. I’m so, so mad at you for that.” He kisses her knuckles one more time. “But Donna… you did a wrong thing to try and protect me. I don’t like it. But I get it. Okay?”

And she’s leaning as close as she can now to him. Finally, finally, she nods. She takes a deep breath and looks right at him and says, “I’m not sorry I tried to protect you. I’m sorry I got it so wrong, Harvey. I really, really wish I had come straight to you.”

Nodding, he kisses her once, almost chastely. “I wish you had too, Donna.” He waits a beat and says, “Can you tell me what you were debating telling me before?”

Her gaze shifts away from him for a second, but she forces it back. Breath hitching, she hesitates before admitting, “I was going to say that I’m scared Harvey. I’m scared I’ll be naked for you and all you’ll be able to see is betrayal.” 

She’s tearing up now, and he knows she’s not just talking about being physically naked. She’s talking about being vulnerable, being open, about showing him how much she cares. She’s talking about being terrified that he’ll reject that, that he’ll show her the door when she’s most defenseless.

He shakes his head. “I love you, my beautiful Donna.” He tucks her hair behind her ear before. “There is absolutely no way I could do that to you without it also ripping my own heart out.” He shakes his head ruefully and says, “And we both know I care too much about me to ever do a thing like that.”

She’s surprised into chuckling in relief now, but she’s so bone-weary, and probably in shock, that she’s shivering a little. The adrenaline’s passed, and now that she isn’t so tightly wound and scared anymore, she feels the tension bleed out of her, leaving her achy and drained.

Her skin feels cold to his touch, despite the fire. He takes a firm hold of her and stands, carrying her securely as he walks. His voice is comforting when he says, “Warm bath, then bed, hmm?”

Nodding, head resting on his shoulder, she asks, “Stay with me?”

“I’m right here.”


	2. Prequel: Jessica's Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica's Visit

I ring the doorbell, knowing that the window of opportunity is small. Harvey will be done for the day in a couple of hours. There’s no way he’ll forego coming here, and I want to see her before they hole up for the night.

When she opens the door, she’s still dressed in the same outfit she wore when I fired her. Her eyes are red, and her lips are quivering even now. When she sees me, she frowns. “Jessica.”

“May I come in?”

Wordlessly, she steps aside. She says nothing as she locks up and follows me into her living room.

We come to stand facing each other, neither of us speaking. Spontaneously, I step forward, my heart squeezing painfully in my chest, and engulf her in a tight hug.

We aren’t really friends, Donna and I, but over the years, she has come to be part of the Pearson Hardman family. Harvey’s family. By extension, my family.

“I’m going to miss you, very, very much Donna Paulson.”

She shudders in my arms.

Several seconds later, I step back, holding her upper arms while I look at her, noticing that her face has gone desolate, bleak. “He’s always going to be yours Donna. You will always be his family. You do know that?”

Her eyes snap to mine, as she says, “It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.” She tilts her head as she considers me. “How much harder do you think it will be to forgive family?”

William Blake. Never let it be said that Harvey didn’t have excellent taste. My expression softens, and I reply, “We don't forgive people because they deserve it. We forgive them because they need it—because we need it.” Smiling, I say, “You need it Donna, and Harvey needs you. He always has. I don’t think that will ever change.” I let my hands drop as I step away.

I re-shoulder my purse and move away, towards the door. I touch her elbow and smile as I walk past her. I don’t know how this situation will work out, but I know they will both be okay. Together. Always together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don’t forget to review and feed the author.
> 
> Note: Jessica’s quote on forgiveness is from Bree Despain’s The Dark Devine.

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posted from FF.net
> 
> Please comment and feed the author!


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